


rebirth

by hwannies



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Park Jihoon (TREASURE), Songfic, i can't write endings, jihoon is hurting, junkyu is hurting, mashiho comes in to help kyu, this hurt to write, this was inspired by 10cm song "rebirth"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwannies/pseuds/hwannies
Summary: jihoon can't stop falling in love with his best friend junkyu no matter how many times he's tried, so he hatches a plan that tries to bring his emotions to a close, somehow. he knows what he's doing right now is for the best.but is it?
Relationships: Kim Junkyu/Park Jihoon, Kim Junkyu/Takata Mashiho
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	rebirth

**Author's Note:**

> for easier reading, bold+italics are the song lyrics, regular text is writing. and maybe listen to rebirth by 10cm when you read? if you 'd like? :D

**_anyone who does will feel happy._ **

jihoon watched from afar as junkyu went with mashiho down the road, where he assumed they'd be getting lunch together.

jihoon isn't jealous, no, he's not.

...maybe he's a little bit jealous.

but he knows. he knows he's not "the one" for junkyu. deep in his mind, knows he was never going to be "the one". he's okay with being his friend. he just wants to see junkyu happy and if that person making him happy is mashiho? so be it.

**_a feeling that i'm thinking of you  
a feeling of hate towards you  
every feeling that has been hardened_ **

jihoon kind of dreads this moment right now.

just having confessed to junkyu, he's standing there, at the front of the school gates. alone.

junkyu gave him a gentle rejection, being the kind, awkwardly lovable person he is, which is okay with jihoon. what's not okay, however, is the hurt in his heart that comes with it.

he doesn't exactly want to resent junkyu for what he did. of course, if you don't feel something, you don't feel something and that's that. nonetheless, he can't help but think about where he went wrong. what he did, or more likely _didn't_ do with junkyu. if he's read junkyu's signs wrong or if it was junkyu who read jihoon's signs wrong.

when jihoon arrives home and is sitting at his desk, he sighs loudly, elbows on his table and hands tugging on his hair. he doesn't exactly know _how_ to think at the moment. obviously he'd thought out what he would do if he had gotten rejected, but now that he's gotten here, he doesn't know what to do with himself. could they still continue being friends? would it be awkward? would they have to break it off?

jihoon doesn't know the answer immediately. it comes through weeks of awkward chatter and slowly warming up to each other to repair the rift before he realizes he's fallen for junkyu again.

he can't have that happen now, can he?

**_i didn't allow it but without being able to notice  
like the ice melts, it falls down once again_ **

it's like an endless cycle.

jihoon loves junkyu, tries to suppress his feelings, repairs for the lost relationship within the time he was in his own mind, and in the process, takes himself back to square one.

although each time, he hates junkyu a little bit more.

junkyu is a great person, everyone knows that. he's talented, top of the school, good looking, charming personality. that's what makes jihoon hate him so much.

he's _too perfect._ too naïve to the power he possesses, too oblivious to the effects he has on other people (jihoon. jihoon is other people). junkyu's so easy to fall in love with, which makes jihoon indescribably angry. he can't catch himself falling over and over because it just _happens_.

jihoon just then has to resort to what's left so he can get his heart back into his chest and not scattered all over the floor for junkyu to see.

**_from the depth of the sea  
it comes back to the surface  
anyone who sees this reviving feeling  
will feel happy  
will feel blessed_ **

mashiho comes into the picture some autumn day. jihoon doesn't exactly remember when. the younger gets close to junkyu (which is _fine_ ) and they start hanging out more often. jihoon and junkyu see each other a bit less.

one part of jihoon think's this is a good thing. he can start drifting away, his master plan finally having the chance to be set in motion. he can distance himself from junkyu to avoid loving him again, avoid that pain of getting his heart broken so many times over.

the other part of jihoon is telling him he's making a mistake. mashiho might make him happy but jihoon makes him _glow_. even with the rejection, why would jihoon want to lose a friendship so near and dear to him, a friendship that brings him so much joy?

oh right. because he can't stop loving him.

the process begins slowly. making up small excuses ("exams are coming up! maybe next time?"), sitting further apart, knowing looks turning into odd glances, forgetting things, the list goes on (and gets worse). it's hurting jihoon to see junkyu looking at him weirdly, sadness evident in his face through his wide eyes and small pout when he takes a seat at the opposite side of the classroom. he knows this hurts junkyu just as much, if not even more, since he doesn't even know what's going on. jihoon can't just stop now, though. he's made it so far.

whenever jihoon sees junkyu with mashiho, he can't help but smile. when the soft "hi's" passing the hall turn into being too engrossed in a conversation they don't spare second glances at each other, he can't help but smile to himself. it was never easy for jihoon to ignore junkyu's presence, even when junkyu was being the quietest person in the world. when he watches from behind the pair walk out the school gates hand in hand one day, thumbing over each other's knuckles, he can't help but smile to himself at the sight of his best friend being happy. for the best.

**_a feeling that i'm waiting for you  
a feeling that i'm pushing you away  
every feeling that has been hardened_ **

jihoon prays to someone out there that maybe junkyu might catch feelings for him one day, knowing his prayers will end up fruitless in the end. he tries his best every night but it never seems to work.

and so he continues to distance himself from junkyu. he continues to reject plans, walk a few paces behind, leave dry responses through text. there's one moment where jihoon's thinking to himself. saying, "there's definitely a better way to do this." he can't think of one, so he just continues trying not to feel anything when he's doing this, not to feel hurt when he sees the sad look in junkyu's eyes when he glances at jihoon, not to notice when junkyu's glances don't exist in his direction anymore but at mashiho's.

**_i didn't forgive but without being able to notice  
like the leaves fall and the flowers bloom_ **

it works...somewhat.

he's gotten junkyu away from him, to the point where he doesn't care about jihoon anymore, really. but was this what he had wanted?

was "not taking a second glance at your former (that still hurts to say) best friend?" jihoon's end goal in all of this?

what was his end goal in all of this?

flowers bloom late this spring. he sits under a tree and thinks, like he's in a coming of age movie. was his end goal to get junkyu to not care about him? no, that can't be right, that's not it.

ah.

his end goal was to stop loving junkyu.

did he do it?

**_from a deep swamp  
suddenly it comes out to the surface  
anyone who sees this reviving feeling will feel happy_ **

he walks into school one day a bit early, heading to his homeroom and opening the door to the sight of junkyu and mashiho in a corner, mashiho on junkyu's lap, staring at each other like they held the stars in their eyes. before they catch him, he rushes out, breathing a little bit harder than he should be. he puts a hand to his chest and realizes his heart's beating fast and he can't tell if it's from that sight or his own emotions.

that's really a "no" then. he really didn't stop loving junkyu. to be excited from a mere smile gracing junkyu's face, the love in his eyes when he's looking at mashiho, tells him everything he needs to know about how he feels.

then what really was it all for?

**_i think your heart should be melted by now, but i cant do it  
i can't make you heart reminisce with my own efforts but_ **

some more time passes before jihoon accepts his truth. that he'll never really be over junkyu until they're truly out of each other's way. and even then, jihoon doesn't know if he'll ever stop loving junkyu.

that's alright because junkyu has mashiho. mashiho, who can do all the things jihoon can't in a relationship. be a little more confident, a little more brave. hell, they're dating now. doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

maybe jihoon couldn't be the one to light up junkyu's heart, make it explode into different colors. maybe he wasn't going to be the one to create new, everlasting memories with junkyu. jihoon's grateful for mashiho in that sense, grateful that mashiho is able to do so instead of him. mashiho doesn't have to try so hard to make junkyu happy. junkyu doesn't have to try so hard to love him back. their relationship, in jihoon's view, is easy, simple. effortless.

jihoon could've tried all he wanted to win over junkyu but it wouldn't have been enough. it wasn't going to be him.

**_anyone who does will feel happy._ **

jihoon can't help but smile when seeing the pair happy together. even when he's left alone with his own thoughts, he smiles to himself at the thought of them. maybe he wasn't the one meant to be with junkyu. mashiho's doing a good job at it.

and as jihoon watches from afar, he knows junkyu's in good hands. mashiho's happy making junkyu happy. junkyu's happy making mashiho happy. jihoon's happy to see them both smiling like the sun's shining down on them, creating their own little spotlight meant just for them.

anyone who's able to touch the heart of kim junkyu will always be happy. even jihoon, who was so close doing so, will be happy knowing junkyu is okay without him.

**Author's Note:**

> uh,,,tada? hey don't look at me, this made me sad too, like way too sad. i'm so sorry jihoon i ain't mean to hurt u like this baby.
> 
> written from 2-3am. i also repeated sentence structures and words and concepts a lot in this and im so sorry its so repetitive AHH but yknow...fanfic! had the inspiration when going through my notes and seeing junhoe's (ikon) name written next to the song and then took a look at the lyrics and since i'm on my treasure fixation now i decided jikyu/mashikyu would be a fitting pairing to the concept. don't ask me why, it just _is_.
> 
> find me at @HWANNlES on twitter (the i is a lowercase L)!  
> see you next time! :D


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